It is not only the poets but everyone who remembers their first love. It happened without a setback, fulfilling every childhood fantasy and giving us the magic of ignorance that it might end.
For Shenna Ira F. Dalauidao, a 25-year-old lady, it is her first love that built her to this day; how it made her crestfallen, led her to be strong, and finally reach her dream—passing the board exam.
Where it started to fall apart
Before passing the board exam for Psychologists and Psychometricians, Shenna went to a different direction before.
She first took the course Physical Therapy. She loved her first course like she would love her first love.
But things happened; her classmates bullied her for having a relationship with someone that her batch mates wished to be with another girl.
The bullying made her fail one of her major subjects, so she had to wait another year to retake it.
The Failed Second Chance
Even with a grieving heart, she said, “I still love physical therapy.” With that notion, she transferred to another school with the same course.
Then came a time when one of her professors humiliated her and said she was not assertive enough to be a physical therapist.
She then realized that she did not want to go to school anymore and that no one could save her from this demotivation.
The Art of Letting Go
She accepted the rejection from her first love; it bore a hole in her heart that nothing could fill.
“Whether it was bad timing or I mingled with the wrong people, I still did not give up, and I knew others out there had it worst. I knew one thing, and it was hard to swallow; this course, as much as I love it up until now, was not meant for me.”
After everything that happened, she decided to pick up the shattered pieces of her dream of becoming a physical therapist and hide them near her heart.
Physical Therapy was the closest to heaven she would ever be, but she let go of it and shifted to Psychology at the University of the East, where her journey for taking board exam started.
More than just a rebound
She eventually learned to love her course and became passionate about pursuing it as her career to help people with mental health problems.
She graduated and has taken Board Licensure Examination for Psychologists and Psychometricians (BLEPP).
However, things do not come as easy as that. The effect of the pandemic delayed the schedule of board exam and caused Shenna anxiety.
Months before she would be taking the exam, her Lola Ninay died. With every unfortunate thing happening in her life, she still exerts effort and reviews daily.
She admits that during those days, she already questions herself.
“I was dealing with myself on how it seemed that there is so much I don’t know during reviews, that no matter how much I reviewed, my scores in quizzes and practice test was only almost passable, and how in the world was I going to have my license if I was like this?”
After taking the board exam, what prolongs the agony is the waiting process of worrying about whether you pass or not.
Shenna asked her partner to check the results for her; she believes that he would be the happiest knowing she passed and he would be the most understanding In case she failed.
After one week of waiting while they were watching an anime to ease her worries, her partner suddenly announced the news she loves to hear.
“He suddenly said, ‘You passed! The results went out. And you passed!’… I was stunned and I CRIED!”
To those who stayed
She is grateful for her Lola Ninay in heaven, her mother, Pathways International Review Center, the Psychology department of UE, and other people who strengthen her to get through this challenging phase of her life.
She also thanks her partner, Rap, who never left her side in good and bad times.
The last two would be her dad in heaven with God,
“I surrendered everything to Him while doing everything I could. And true enough the Filipino saying, ‘Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa.’, was my mantra during the review and exam. To my dad, who frequently visited me in dreams, I miss you so much, and I hope you’re are proud of me.”
Shenna also left an inspiring message to those people who are struggling in their school and careers now,
“For those who are too broken, let time heal and be kind to yourself. Learn to swim towards the sun or moon when you end up drowning. There will always be a path for you, and it’s up to you to choose it. Infinite possibilities wait for us; you can never give up and live the dream or give up and find a new dream. Either way, it’s an interesting and soulful experience of your life.”
May all the lessons from our first love lead us to something better.
Nica is a resin artist, watercolor painter, and writer. She loves putting art into life because it feels liberating. She believes that the most powerful form of art is through words, for it can set us free. Her life is sweeter than fiction because of Taylor Swift’s music, fur babies, and chick flick movies.