“You deserve better” What does this mean?

Have you heard of this before? If you’re at the receiving end of this phrase, what do you think it means? How would you take it? Is it Good? Bad? Both? Let’s talk about this, shall we?

I have seen many films, read many stories, and heard many songs about this. I even heard my friend being told this phrase by their partner. But what do they even mean by this?

What’s this about?

Just like many other phrases, this can be taken either in a good or a bad way, especially in relationships.

If your partner ever told you this, does this mean that he wants to end things with the both of you? Well, probably. But how do you respond to this? Should you feel offended or flattered that you deserve more?

There are many underlying messages when the phrase rolls off the tongue of the other. It could mean that they genuinely want what’s best for you or they just want to let you go gently.

The Bad Side of it

You deserve better feels a little like a cover–up of the actual reason. I don’t think I trust that phrase before too. Personally, I think that if you really want to be with that person, you can be the “better” that your partner ACTUALLY deserves.

You could think that receiving this phrase can be better than just ending it abruptly. But it’s still burdensome to be on the receiving end, right? It feels like you don’t have a choice because the other decided for you already.

The Good Side of it

In contrast, I think it would be understandable knowing that some people tend to lose themselves when it comes to relationships too.

If you can take it on a brighter note, it means that he isn’t the best person fitting to be with you. Hence, he wants nothing but the best for you and he can’t be the person. Hopefully, just not yet. Or not at all. It’s a phrase that genuinely wants you to have the best in everything, especially in a partner.

What might probably be the reason for it

1. Low self-esteem – There might be moments when the partner might be having a hard time overthinking some things. This would result in him having low self–esteem. You can talk to your partner about it and how you can help him with it.

2. They can only do so much – Hopefully, this isn’t it. It would be like giving up on the relationship just because he isn’t up for any growth for the two of you. If he wants you, he would work on himself to be the better that you deserve. That’s what you do when you love someone, right?

3. They are not interested anymore – Probably using this as a scapegoat. It’s easier to say this as it doesn’t need to have much explanation. Also, it sounds more gentle than “Let’s end this” or “I don’t like you anymore”.

How to respond

1. Communicate – It would be better if you can communicate with your partner what he means by that phrase. You can’t just assume for any reason. Let it come from his mouth. It might be a spur of the moment or there might be a deeper reason as to why he said that. Maybe you can also help him if he has been feeling uneasy lately.

2. Assure – If he has a problem with his self–esteem, you can assure him that you can work with him to bring it back. There are times when our partner overthinks things and realize that maybe you’re better off with someone else. In this way, you can assure them that it’s not the case and you can work on such thoughts together.

3. Accept – If the decision seems finalized, there wouldn’t be any other way but to accept things well. It would be difficult and you don’t have to accept it instantly. It can take time especially when you question your worth with what happened.

Context is important too

Regardless of how the person can take it, I think that “you deserve better” somehow needs to have more context to avoid any misunderstanding that may come.

You may let go of the person as gentle as “You deserve better”, but don’t let them question what you mean by it. Everyone deserves better. Either you’d be the better they deserve or explain why they have to look for someone better.

You always have that choice.