Things I’ve Learned from Thriving in a Healthy Relationship
Building on my previous article, I came from a relationship that took a deeply unpleasant turn. After several years, I discovered the serenity, growth, happiness, and ultimately, a nourishing and thriving relationship.
Things I’ve Learned While Being in a Healthy Relationship After a Toxic One
It’s not perfection, but it’s what I’ve longed for. And here’s what I’ve learned about being in a healthy one.
People weren’t exaggerating when they said that the most challenging part of a relationship is navigating through the significant adjustments. Coming from a toxic relationship, adapting to unfamiliar yet healthy patterns can be tough— and that’s okay.
Fortunately, you now have a supportive partner who validates your feelings, listens, and empathizes with you. They can guide you through those necessary adjustments. While it’s not their sole responsibility, they can play a significant role in aiding your nervous system’s healing.
1. They have the capacity to soothe your nervous system.
To dispel misconceptions about relationships, a healthy one provides reassurance and comfort when needed which helps in soothing your nervous system—
making you feel validated and secure.
If you’ve grown accustomed to overthinking, experiencing gaslighting, and being cheated on, you may find it hard to trust people again. And they’ll understand that you’re still in a phase of adjustment.
Additionally, normal relationships include a healthy way of addressing those issues without making the other feel like it’s their fault they’ve become distrustful. Moreover, shifting the blame onto the other person’s response to abuse is not a healthy approach.
According to an article from Medical News Today, common long-term effects of gaslighting comprise anxiety, depression, isolation, and psychological trauma.
“All of these can have a long-term impact on someone’s mental health and self-esteem. They may also make it more difficult for the individual to leave an abusive situation.”
Medical News Today
Moreover, when gaslighting occurs within a relationship, it may integrate into a more extensive pattern of coercive control. This involves emotional abuse used to exert authority over an individual’s life.
2. Your emotions and feelings are always valid; it’s how you choose to respond to them that makes a difference.
As humans, it’s totally normal to feel things deeply and to be more empathic towards other people. In healthy relationships, you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling all these emotions.
Consider those moments as seasons; they will pass with time. It’s much healthier to contemplate how you’ll respond to your emotions, avoid recklessness, and remain mindful of your partner’s feelings as well.
Therefore, words and actions are not easily forgotten. So it’s better to be careful with how you act on it.
An African proverb says that ‘the axe forgets but the tree remembers.’ It’s a metaphor that translates: the one who inflicts pain may forget, but the one who suffers remembers.
Keeping this in mind may help you become more mindful of your actions and words in any relationship.
3. A healthy relationship should not deplete you as a person or compel you to excessively guard your pride.
It isn’t supposed to be all stressful, it should be enriching, validating, and humble— it should make you a better person. What I’m trying to convey is that it’s important for people to remember that both individuals in a relationship are human and capable of making mistakes.
However, those mistakes don’t include cheating and manipulation as doing such was solely a choice. Conversely, human errors can often be resolved through peaceful discussions and healthy arguments.
Furthermore, excessive pride can hinder the relationship’s progress.
When such issues arise, it’s more beneficial to maintain an open ear and an empathetic mindset to listen and understand where your partner is coming from— and then make the necessary changes.
This goes both ways, it takes two to tango, right?
4. Challenges and misunderstandings are a regular part of the relationship.
Since both of you are two different individuals, raised in entirely distinct environments, despite any similarities, differences are bound to exist. These distinctions encompass variations in opinions on certain matters, sensitivities, and other harmless aspects. This is where the essential adjustments come into play.
And given the differences, misunderstandings may occur— and it’s a normal part of a relationship. Since some in-relationship partners will be spending more time with each other, this is where both parties will learn to get along well. And therefore, those arguments and challenges are normal as this will help the relationship to progress over time.
5. Finally, it’s important to note that in healthy relationships, you’re not immune to experiencing disappointments.
As I’ve mentioned previously, both partners are human and susceptible to making mistakes. Furthermore, the common notion that ‘if they wanted to, they would‘ can create unnecessary pressure within a relationship.
Now, why do I oppose this idea?
It’s because there are valid constraints that might genuinely prevent them from doing so. Therefore, we can appreciate that they’re doing their best.
However, it doesn’t imply that you’re compromising or settling for less; it merely means that you can adjust your expectations according to the current situation. In any scenario where they can fulfill your needs without you explicitly requesting, they most likely will.
After all, a healthy relationship is also built on attentive listening. If they consistently fail to listen to you, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
You see, not all the ideals imposed on us by society are universally applicable. Every relationship is unique, but I want to emphasize that healthy relationships should never be abusive; they should be comforting, enriching, and reassuring instead.
