Finding Love in Your 20’s: A Hopeless Romantic’s Narrative

Love, as I once knew it, was like this: slow motion, the world stops, sparks, smiles, butterflies, and rapid heartbeats. After all, that’s how the world around me depicted it. In books, fairy tales, TV shows, and even commercials, love was crafted out to be like that.

Turns out that what I have been mistaking for love back then was merely infatuation. They are just spikes of attraction, shallow feelings that keep my thrill-seeking heart going. But, of course, I didn’t know that. I just wanted to be loved. Actually, I wanted to be loved so badly that I over-fantasized it and turned into a huge hopeless romantic.

A Hopeless Romantic’s Narrative

The “falling” in love

Of course, as a hopeless romantic, my ideals were problematic. I had standards, yes, but anyone who gave me just a teeny bit of attention made me fall. Compatibility was also a big deal, so if I felt a comfortable relationship growing with anyone, I’d soon be head over heels for them. It was all quite complicated for my unripe mind, yet something was clear and simple: I fall easily. And hard.

Over time, I chased the highs. The roller coasters were what I sought. I stuck to my ‘falling easily and hard’ mantra like my life depended on it. I believed that everyone was interested in their own ways, and I was easily attracted to one person and another. And, amid all the ocean of people that I developed feelings for, I believed that my slow-motion, world-stopping meeting would come, and love would fall right into place like how I visualized it. For the longest time, I held on to that love scenario in my head, the magical one that I saw in films and fairy tales. I firmly clung to the belief that it would arrive to me one day when the time is right.

But it didn’t.

The disastrous love

Love never did arrive. Instead what came to me were disasters. In my journey of seeking out that thrilling, world-changing fairy tale moment, I got stuck to the depths of oblivion. An abyss wherein I lost myself and all my hopes for love got sucked out. I entered the storm with the shimmer of hope in my hand, and I exited it with all of the light burnt out. Long story short, it didn’t go well for me.

That was when I realized that love was never going to come the way I imagined it would. And the biggest shock was that it shattered everything that I thought it would be like.

The transitional love

There was no slow motion in love. There is just familiarity, a feeling of belongingness. A calm buzz was brought by their presence. No world-stopping event, only intimate moments when they would stop to wait for you while you tie your shoelaces. The sparks, instead of being a one-time big-time event like fireworks, are instead replaced with a fluorescent light whose glimmer is long-lasting and shined just the way you like it. There are no butterflies or rapid heartbeats, there were only peace and calm.

And, finally, the acceptance.

That was what it was like to find love in my 20s. Growing up definitely changed the entire landscape of love for me. Albeit my journey just to reach where I am now was hard and rocky, I believe that it was all worth it. It definitely prepared me to be the best version of myself for my partner.

Gone should be the days when we should be chasing the highs or the temporary thrills that other people offer. Life is short; don’t make it shorter by wasting your time over people who only offer butterflies. Love should be as home-like as a zen garden; not chaotic, like a nightclub.