Picture this: you are within the confines of your room. The lights are closed and there is nothing but darkness embracing you. Silence hangs in the air. Occasionally pierced by your sobs, the warmth of your tears – the only actual thing you could feel. The rest of your soul feels numb from the constant emotional beating you have gotten from your most recent breakup. Your thoughts are fully occupied with flashbacks, memories, questions, and constant what-ifs. Where did it go wrong? What could I have done better?
Breakup scenarios we know all too well
Does this scene ring a bell? I know, we have all been there – the phase of intense emotional turmoil when everything stings. We might already be tired of hearing the line, “they are just not the one for you” way too many times already.
The rise of breakups amid the pandemic
A larger percentage of our population has gone through a similar situation during this pandemic. According to Savage (2020), there has been an increase in divorce rates around the world. This, then, became one of the consequences of the COVID-19 protocols. Relationship experts warn that the pandemic-induced-break-up curve may not have peaked yet. In other words, the “isolating” nature of all these virus-related restrictions and their tendencies to make communication much harder for couples have heavily affected relationships.
This means that you are not alone, even in all those dark nights and uncontrollable crying in your room at 3 AM. In fact, there has been an influx of similar you’s stuck in that kind of sitch ever since the pandemic happened.
Moreover, with all the limitations brought upon by the pandemic, moving on from a breakup has proven to be an extra tough challenge. You cannot go out with your peers to distract yourself. Also, physical hobbies have become limited. This comes especially if your place doesn’t have enough space to accommodate certain activities (e.g., working out). The only consistent communication you can count on is through a chat or call with friends. So, most of the time, you are going to do the work by yourself. Solitude can “hit different,” especially when you do not have many options on your plate aside from crying on your own. We know and we hear you, dear friend.
Five Ways To Cope With A Breakup During The Pandemic
Here are some tips to make a breakup more tolerable, especially at times when you feel like all you have is yourself:
Cut off communication with your ex.
Whether it is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or even Gmail, you have to cut things off with your ex-lover. Although it is understandable that during these trying times, social media seems to be the only bridge for us to stay connected to our world, when it comes to an ex-lover, there is a need for you to create some space between you and them so that you can allow yourself to heal. This does not only help you in a way that it declares a finality that things are ‘truly’ over. It also saves you from the unnecessary disappointment that could come from you inevitably expecting things when you still communicate with your former partner.
Yes, this is a sign for you not to text your ex! Under no circumstance should you do that. Do not be ‘marupok,’ please!
Reflect and let yourself feel.
It is never a walk in the park to let someone go. Whether it is because of the hardships of the pandemic or some other pre-existing reasons that led to your fall-out, it is indisputable that parting ways will never, ever be easy. Since you basically have all the time in the world from staying at home every day, you should take the opportunity to allow yourself to reflect on this past relationship and relish everything that has happened. Feel things. Be sad, be angry, be joyful, be grateful. Go ahead and miss them and listen to your old and new favorite songs. Go through your old photos and wear your ex’s favorite shirt while crying. Permit yourself to mourn from it, and, as they always say, LET IT ALL OUT. Like a physical wound, let it bleed until it can bleed no more. It is crucial to grieve for the loss of something as impactful as a past relationship; it is human nature. Do not stop yourself from feeling these things. However, the one vital thing that you should remember is to not wallow in it.
While grieving remains healthy, note that at some point, once you feel tired, you need to have to stand up once again.
Create a healthy mindset.
It can be grueling to maintain a healthy mindset especially when everything is going wrong—the COVID-19 cases are on a continuous hike, and you just had the possibly worst breakup you have ever experienced. Furthermore, it seems like you have no one to confide in. During these circumstances, the occurrence of a single, positive thought in a head filled with negativities may seem like an impossible feat, but you would need it now more than ever. A healthy mindset secures your progress. While healing is not linear (and it will never be), your viewpoint guarantees that you are on the right track and that you know where you are headed. You may get this from a lot of sources—books, poems, random quotes from the internet, or that one line from the heartfelt advice of your one tita friend.
Fill yourself with words that inspire you and keep you going. This could serve as your reminder from time to time.
Seek support from people around you.
While it remains inarguable that meeting others has become tough during this pandemic situation, keeping yourself connected to a support circle is a must, especially after a harsh breakup. No man is an island. And, that will prove to be a very relatable quote when you are going through this insufferable mess. Support is always a crucial aspect of every healing journey. Surrounding yourself with people who understand you, care for you, and listen to you about all the burdens in your life can offer a huge solace to someone who feels broken. That is not to say that you have to be dependent on them, though.
You have to heal on your own, that is a given, but that does not mean you cannot seek assistance from others.
Do fulfilling hobbies.
Lastly, distracting yourself with “easy” hobbies that do not require going outside or exposing yourself to the virus is a healthy activity when dealing with a breakup. This is to ensure that your mind can have something else to focus on. It is unhealthy to dwell on your emotions and thoughts all the time; you would need to unwind. Also, it helps you in a way that you can create something productive out of the mess that you are dealing with. Some “easy” hobbies include reading books, writing, listening to music, revisiting your faded passion for instruments, or holding your paintbrush and drawing a landscape again. You can also do graphic designing, learn new video games, study a new recipe, and whatnot.
All of these could aid you in your healing process.
You got this!
At the end of the day, you need to note that healing is not linear. There will be days when you feel like you can, once again, conquer the world, and then the following night, you are back to the confines of your room, bawling your eyes out and wondering where it all went wrong. It is all right. Quoting what Coldplay said, “Nobody said it was easy,” much more so with all the stressful pandemic-related happenings in the bigger picture. You may not know what is going to happen to the rest of the globe, but it is okay to focus on yourself first and set aside your worries for everything else. The world can wait. Your healing and well-being come first.
How about you, have you experienced a breakup so tough it seemed to have shattered your soul yet? How did you get over it?
Moira is a clumsy extroverted writer who scribbles about everything that piques her interest. That includes her own emotions, love, life, love life, music, books, you name it. Albeit reliant on her random bursts of creativity to get going at times, she is ingeniously curious and dependable, and talks to her seven cats as a stress reliever. She has found home in writing ever since she was a child and sees it as the sole legacy that her parents she barely knows has left for her.