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A Warning to Seekers of Love: The Truth About Trauma Bonding

A Warning to Seekers of Love: The Truth About Trauma Bonding

Have you ever known someone trapped in a toxic relationship, seemingly unable to leave? You might think it’s foolishness, but in reality, ‘trauma bonding‘ is like being in a prison where the key seems out of reach. Although escape is possible, leaving feels suffocatingly difficult.

The Truth About Trauma Bonding, According To My Experience

Village Pipol Magazine | Although it’s a pain to bear, that ‘abusive relationship’ made me stronger.

It’s been years since I first spoke about my experience in a toxic relationship. I often questioned before why I couldn’t remove myself from that situation. Even though we both recognized that we weren’t good for each other, we remained inextricably bound. And that’s when I realized: we had formed a trauma bond.

I was painfully aware of how wrong his actions were, yet I stayed. I’m not claiming I was faultless, I was in fact far from it. Furthermore, during that period, I saw myself at my worst and doing the worst.

I lost sleep and peace of mind, began seeking outside validation, and did things I never thought I’d do. Following his demands, I cut off contact with people who had never wronged me. Moreover, he also tried to paint some people close to me in a bad light for me to distance myself. Then I realized he was trying to isolate me from my support system.

Despite those he continued to shower me with affection and say all the right things I wanted to hear as he was trying to be my ideal guy, yet he couldn’t commit to self-improvement. Furthermore, his actions worsened, causing another abusive action that pushed me to the brink of sanity, all in a desperate attempt to keep me from leaving.

It took years for me to realize this, brought by the periods of no contact between us. However, it’s important to clarify that this wasn’t a mutual decision; I forced it upon us because he refused to let go although I was near losing my mind.

A Warning to Seekers of Love: The Truth About Trauma Bonding

Years later, he may have changed and improved himself; I won’t deny him the chance for self-betterment. However, that’s the memory I have of him, and it’s a phase I wouldn’t recommend anyone to experience. We weren’t meant for each other, and the trauma bonding was something I hope others can avoid.

Why did I share my story? Because I wanted to raise awareness for everyone about trauma bonding— it’s real, it happens, and it’s damaging to a person’s mental health.

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Moreover, it can be difficult to break free once you’ve formed a deep attachment to someone, despite the toxicity. Leaving is possible, but it’s harder than it looks. As defined by VeryWell Mind, trauma bonding is a cycle of abuse followed by positive reinforcement, designed to keep you tethered.

Given my experiences, I want people to stop themselves once they see any toxic actions. Consider apologies without change as a red flag and a breaking point in a relationship.

As humans, we all make mistakes. However, it’s crucial to know whether someone is genuinely willing to change their disrespectful behavior. There are chances that they would and would stick to avoid doing it, or they could manipulate you into thinking that it’s all your fault why you felt disrespected.

If the latter scenario happens, it’s time to prioritize yourself and your self-respect. Leave the toxic situation behind, and never look back. Such individuals thrive on attention, whether positive or negative. It’s crucial to recognize that our emotions can be weaponized against us. For as long as we’re affected by them, they have power over us.

The best thing to do in this is to recognize where trauma bonding can start, and end it there and then to prevent you from manipulation. Being caught up in this situation may sound vague, but it is suffocating. While it’s natural to give the benefit of the doubt, but persistent harmful actions after confrontation can warrant consideration of leaving as this signifies a lack of respect. Above all, prioritize your safety and see through your future partner’s qualities: establish clear boundaries to avoid tolerance of unacceptable behavior. None of us are flawless, but we deserve mutual respect and can seek solace in accepting each other’s differences and imperfections.
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