Recovering from our biggest heartbreak because of a failed relationship is just one of the biggest shifts that anybody who just loved so purely could experience. Let’s face it, reinventing ourselves towards our pursuit of self-growth and happiness after being emotionally wounded is just like walking into a treacherous path going on top of any mountain; no one who already went there did so by following a straight and easy way. Beginning from now, you already need to accept that the journey towards reinventing yourself will be full of ups and downs, it won’t be easy, it will always be three steps forward and five steps back. But rest assured that someday, you’ll still get there.
As someone who had experienced being left behind firsthand in life, I know how completely hard it is to dwell in a situation of self-doubt, anxiety, and above all else- the feeling of not being the chosen one.
When the wound is fresh, self-recovery seems so impossible and the plan of reinventing yourself can be daunting. So, from the point of view of being an EX, I would like to share some of the healthy ways of reinventing yourself after being heartbroken. From the most practical to challenging tips, let’s start this journey together.
MAKE A CHECKLIST
Enabling yourself to move forward from the life you get used to is one of the bravest things that you can do before reinventing it. But before taking your first fearless step, it is very important to have your own checklist. It’s one of the ways of assessing your emotional and physical self. In your checklist it’s important that you have the following:
Acceptance is the most difficult part of moving on, but how can you start reinventing yourself if you are still emotionally attached to something that you no longer have now? How can you start putting your one foot forward if the other one is still being held back? Yes, it would be painful, but accepting the fact that they’re not really meant for you is one of the key components of self-recovery.
Sometimes, to find the best version of yourself, you must first learn to let go.
Your journey towards reinvention will be full of ups and downs. There will be times you’ll experience uncertainties. That’s why it is very important to allow yourself to be open to wander. In every step, you’re not just moving far away, you’re also developing courage and strength.
Being alone is the best way of reconnecting yourself to God. In times that you feel like no one dares to come to listen to your dramas in life, just surrender yourself to him. Surrender the fear and keep the faith.
Your relationship with God will be your greatest ammunition to succeed in this life-changing battle.
You need to have a balance between being independent and dependent. Starting from now, you need to face the truth that you cannot solve some problems alone. Don’t pretend that you all have the answers, you need to admit that you need a support system; your friends, family, or siblings. If the inner demons are already too loud, don’t hesitate to seek some professional help.
FIND AN OUTLET
Whether it would be in a form of art like painting, writing a book, or dancing, or building a small business, or focusing on working out, finding an outlet to release your overflowing emotions is the best possible thing you can do to discover your personal strength. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Go to the gym, try a new sport, or stay at home and develop a skill.
You can watch motivational talks online, and learn from them. Or even listen to songs that can resonate with you.
You can listen to some of Taylor Swift’s heartbreak songs if you want.
2. HAVE A S.M.A.R.T GOAL
S.M.A.R.T stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timebound.
When you set a goal for your growth, it is very important to be familiarized with the S.MA.R.T technique. You can turn your idea into reality if you’ve set a specific goal and time. It’s just like doing a school project, you need to have a plan and most importantly you need to set a deadline.
Doing this can give you pressure and inner-turbulence, but hang in there. Come to know, that the most precious diamonds are made out of pressure, and before an airplane reached its altitude there’s turbulence that can happen first. Self-growth is just like that. Take it slow.
One practical example is setting a goal of waking up before sunrise to meditate, to take a morning walk in nature, or drinking coffee while reading a good book at dawn: Choose what books you’ll read because you become it.
Note: Building a new habit just like the mentioned example above is also challenging. Let’s face it, waking up so early in the morning can be so daunting. That’s why you need to push yourself more, try to follow the example I gave for thirty days straight. I’m telling you; you will be happy with the result. One day, that will be one of the good habits that makes you guilty, if you skip doing it.
3. DON’T PUBLICIZE YOUR NEXT BIG STEP
Having a social media detox is also good for your mental health.
Yes, you heard it right! Social media detox plays a huge part in reinventing yourself, especially nowadays where we’re being bombarded with so many things online.
It can be so tempting to post your little progress online, but you need to fight your inner urges to do this, not because it’s bad, but it’s just better to take every step of the process silently. The one who had hurt you should not be updated with what’s going on with your life right after they’d left you. Make them wonder. Make them think how’s your life after breaking you. One day, if you already achieved your ultimate goal (eg: publishing a book, releasing a song, opening an art gallery, achieving your body goal, launching your own business, etc.) then that’s the best time to return to the public again without trying to brag.
Note: Never underestimate the power of silence. When you really want to grow and reinvent yourself to be someone else that’s stronger than your former self, then you must learn to separate yourself from the crowd. It’s better to be silent during the process of healing and reinventing yourself, and then come out again soon with a total transformation.
4. DON’T SPEAK! LET YOUR SUCCESS SPEAK FOR ITSELF.
Achieving something great after being heartbroken is really so exhilarating. During these moments of triumphs, sometimes we want to find again the people who had hurt us and show all the things that we attained after being mistreated by them. Like, we want to consider our success as our biggest slap for them. But please, don’t do it. I repeat: Don’t ever try doing it. Always choose humility and just let your success speak for itself.
Always remember that impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive. Always know your worth and the value of your success, in the first place- you improved for yourself and not just only for them. You just only used the pain they had caused you as a tiny reason for reinventing yourself, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll carry it until the end. Yes, they broke your heart, but using your success as a way of revenge is a big NO. Once you do it, you’ll begin to lose the meaning of your self-growth and success.
After listening to different people who supported your journey, and after all the motivational articles you’ve read like this one, in the end, it will always be your actions and decisions that matter. Every day is a moment that’s worth taking the risk. So, do something that your future self will be proud of because no one can experience the possible result- except you.
“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”
What are the things you can add or new rules you can do towards reinventing yourself after a heartbreak? Don’t hesitate to comment or share with us your plans. Who knows, it can also be a guide to help some people who are still mending their hearts?
Aphro Apollo (Roel Pulido Pagal) is a contemporary author and a senior student of BA Communication at the University of Northern Philippines. This young literary figure is pursuing his career in writing while attending his regular class. One of his goals in life is to become a Fashion journalist in Condé Nast, New York someday. His mantra, “Never underestimate the power of silence” really make things fall into place for him.