An open letter to my former friends
I don’t write letters that often because I intend to write only to those I know will read and listen to what my vulnerable self is saying. But today, I decided to sit down and write to certain people whose attentions are uncertain, hoping this will put closure to my wishful nights and symbolize the end of something that was once beautiful.
Honoring our best times
I don’t befriend anyone with the thought that they will just become a lesson in my life. I’m not the friendly type; it’s always the friendly ones who come to my corner and befriends an anti-social like me. Then, everything else is just chemistry. That’s why when a bond is created, it’s always with my deep emotional and physical investment.
And, we like to keep that friendship bond by eating food together. Who would disagree that food makes stronger bonds? The best conversations usually happen during our milk tea dates or movie marathons. It’s when we share secrets that were literally filed under ‘things that can be used against me at a court hearing’. And that’s the point–we trusted each other. But it’s better to trust and regret than not trust at all.
We’re faced with adulthood’s sad reality
I’m the type who notices when someone feels left out of the conversation, so I joke with them to make them think they’re involved. I’m the friend who always prepares birthday surprises because I know the excitement they bring. Some days, I tell my friends I’m not busy for a day out with the squad, even if I’m about to cram my way through acads life.
The thing is that as I grew old, I realized that friendships are part of my priorities. They heal me in ways they don’t know; they awaken the fire within my introverted self that makes me feel indestructible. So, who would’ve thought such an unbreakable bond would vanish into a puff of smoke? It scared me a little.
But that’s another thing about growing up–we become complacent with being alone. When things turn into shifting sand or relationships become unhealthy and hard to rekindle, we tend to leave. Our mental health wasn’t as stable as when we were younger. You know, we’ve discussed a lot of silly things, but what we’ve missed was that we will be losing each other in our 20s.
Here’s to our new chapters
So to you, my former pre-school, elementary, high school, or surface-level friends, thank you for taking a quarter of my life and shaping how I face painful endings. Even if I don’t send you congratulatory messages, I’m still here, internally wishing you the best things in life. I may not react to your posts, but I see them. And I’m happy to see you guys become captains of your ships.
I still feel a dull ache with the void you left, but I’m at the phase where I’m just ‘girlbossing’ this messy life now (half kidding). I still make mistakes and bad decisions, but I see a stronger and better reflection of myself. Even more, now that this letter has cleansed my soul from pain. As I close our books, it’s now time for us to embark on unknown journeys and devote our full energy to new beginnings.
To that, we cheers.
