Learning the ‘Art of Dedma’
Dedma is an alternate word for dead malice, meaning to ignore. It is a shortened version commonly used by Filipino in translation to ‘patay malisya.’
As we grow up, we have faced and have known a lot of people in our lives. At school, the office, or different institutions, we get to learn about their personalities. Because of this, we often feel intimidated or we can’t possibly get along with them. In particular, sometimes we oppose their ideologies and personalities that keep us silent whenever we are with them.
My wisdom towards this experience
In a bunch of personalities we have encountered, sometimes arguments and disagreements can happen. Things may escalate from that point but here are some dedma tips I always remember:
- Always have a backup. This doesn’t mean that you need a backup of people to fight a particular person, but a support group that you can lean on. Having this kind of company makes it much easier to ignore nasty people.
- Don’t overthink. If these people try to mess with your head and make you think they’re talking about you, do the dedma… just plain dedma. As they say, “don’t assume unless otherwise stated.”
- Unfollow them. In a generation where social media is the main thing. It is important to flush negativity in your feed.
- Think they do not exist. The art of dedma couldn’t be complete without you erasing their existence. As hurtful as their words are, always learn to ignore them.
Being the bigger person
In life, we cannot always ignore the person who tries to hurt us. We will come to a point where we argue with them and say terrible things. I know it’s the best feeling to let your anger out. But sometimes personal attacks could hurt a lot and even cause trauma. We wouldn’t want that no matter how bad we think they are.
If you can be the bigger person, do that. However, if you did that and they still act like a complete a-hole, then move on. If they are the ones who apologize, accept it.
‘Art of Dedma’ and lessons I learn
Being dedma to nasty people is not easy. Likewise, there are times you want to argue but choose to be silent. But it taught me some valuable lessons that helped me grow as a person. In particular, it just shows that you are maturing and taking things lightly. You don’t want stress in everything and just let go of the things that don’t matter
Moreover, dedma taught me to focus on myself and how I grow as an individual. It lets me think of positive things and develop a mindset that always looks for the brighter side. I always think that every experience and every person I meet is a byproduct of how I will face life.
From a quote I’ve recently read, “Sometimes it’s better to react with no reaction”. I learned that I’m that person. The one who ignores. The dedma!
