The Dark Side of Too Much Positivity
I used to remind myself to be positive all the time and that everything will be fine. Words such as “It’s okay” “stay positive” and “look at the brighter side of things” pop up in my mind when an unfavorable event happens.
It’s instilled in me that no matter what happens I should remain positive. When a situation goes uneasy, I would focus on the good aspect of it and ignore unwanted thoughts. Sadly, little did I know that this mindset of mine backfires on me eventually.
Maybe, you can also resonate with this situation, where you have to put on a happy facade just to show that you are at your best.
Being positive in itself is not wrong. However, being too optimistic across all situations can inflict damage to your well-being and relationships with others.
Why too much positivity can become toxic?
Suppressing genuine emotions
Masking your genuine emotions and replacing them with positive ones can lead to a toxic repetitive pattern. As a result, you and others fail to appreciate your own emotions.
In some cases, you might feel obliged to cloak your identity and show the opposite. This can be appropriate and beneficial in some social situations. But, suppression of emotions for a long time has a bearing on your ability to communicate genuinely.
Living behind a mask would lead to a lack of self-authenticity and negative ramifications on yourself.
Ignoring the problems
Excessive positivity translates into false reassurances. Sometimes when you’re faced with different sorts of problems–you start to avoid thinking or talking about them.
Brushing off things under the rug is not a good coping mechanism to solve the problems. Moreover, it also inhibits you to deal with them upfront. You would rather blindly and happily approach life and hope the problem fades away on its own.
Feeling guilty for having negative emotions
Although emotions and more complex and nuanced—they are often categorized as positive and negative. Hiding one’s feelings, especially if they are negative, can be detrimental.
You might also develop feelings of guilt when you’re sad, angry, or lonely. Because showing these emotions around others can lead to embarrassment and you stop allowing yourself to experience them fully.
Insisting others to act positively
Each person has different ways of navigating his/her life. However, forcing others to harbor the same mindset and feelings you have, can adversely affect your interaction and relationship with them.
Comforting others using excessive positive words is not beneficial at all. It can make them feel even worse about themselves because they can’t relate to you. When someone confides in you, telling what they should think and feel about, is also a way that you are invalidating their emotional response about the situation.
Ways to avoid toxic positivity
According to Dr. Tracey, a forensic psychiatrist with over 20 years of experience, there are two methods to overcome toxic positivity. Firstly, “Employ compassion and acceptance for yourself” this means that you should allow yourself to experience negative emotions.
Sadness, sorrow, and pain are all part of the human experience and thus give yourself some time to be in this state for a while. After that accept and work through it by adapting to the situation.
Secondly, show empathy and validation for others. Allow others to express their true feelings instead of telling them to always look at the bright side. Be cautious with your words and actions by not letting them feel that what they are feeling is wrong or unjustified.
