OPINION: The Concerning Rise of Grooming
The issue of grooming has become increasingly prevalent in today’s society. The act of an adult forming a romantic relationship with a minor and establishing romantic trust is universally regarded as morally wrong, regardless of perspective.
In a recent episode of Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho, the featured psychologist, Dr. Randy Dellosa highlighted that minors who are groomed often feel trapped in these relationships due to threats, gaslighting, and various forms of psychological and emotional manipulation that adults use to maintain control.
This kind of manipulation preys on the vulnerability of minors, controlling them for the perpetrator’s own gain.
The Concerning Rise of Grooming
However, grooming doesn’t only affect minors; perpetrators can also target vulnerable adults (18 years and older). This raises complex questions about consent, power imbalances, and whether to classify such situations as grooming, depending on the context.
This complex topic requires careful consideration of various factors before labeling a situation as grooming. It is delicate because it involves manipulation, where one person may exploit another’s emotional and financial vulnerabilities for personal gain.
Now, Why Does Grooming Concern Us?
We were once teenagers and young adults, vulnerable to falling into cycles where our emotions could have been exploited for someone else’s gain. Many of us now have children who could become victims of grooming simply because they haven’t yet learned to establish firm boundaries. Additionally, there are people around us who may have experienced similar abuse but lack the courage to speak out, choosing instead to suppress their pain.
This is why discussing these issues and taking collective responsibility to protect against such predators is crucial for prevention. Moreover, it is the responsibility of adults to reject inappropriate emotions from minors and to deflect advances from emotionally vulnerable adults who haven’t yet developed critical thinking skills.
Then, Why Do Some People Choose To Go With Their Groomers?
In our country, there are records of blatant grooming across different genders. Some individuals have even proudly admitted to pursuing their now-partners whom they first met— as a child. This raises concerns about unreported cases that don’t surface on social media. Most Filipinos don’t view these relationships as patient love, but rather as cases of child grooming.
Perpetrators often target minors by building trust to lower their defenses. According to WebMD, abusers use this trust to control and isolate the child, making it harder for them to seek help.
Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, suggested that when we seek a partner, we often look for qualities resembling those of a parental figure. This might explain why some children with absent or emotionally unavailable parents are drawn to older individuals.
Some vulnerable adults, on the other hand, remain with their abusers due to financial dependence. In such relationships, one partner may stay for stability, but genuine love is absent— this dynamic is toxic, and shouldn’t be celebrated. Conversely, perpetrators with stable incomes may exploit their partner’s financial dependence to exert control, knowing the victim relies on them for basic needs.
For young adults, breaking free from financial ties is key to gaining independence and fostering healthy relationships. While it’s natural to have needs, taking care of oneself is crucial before entering a mature, morally sound relationship.
The common thread between groomed children and young adults is their dependence on their abusers. Children may seek emotional support from pedophiles, while young adults remain in loveless relationships for financial security.
How Can We Spot Grooming?
In children, signs of grooming may show as:
- Encouraging secrecy, insisting on keeping things just between the two of them, despite it feeling off.
- Sending inappropriate or uncomfortable messages, photos, or videos.
- Making the person feel isolated and alone.
In adults, signs of grooming may include:
- Feeling obligated to fulfill their partner’s needs.
- Difficulty saying no or turning down financial requests from their partner.
This situation can make the adult victim feel obligated as if they are taking on a parental role, which is inappropriate from any perspective. In cases where a stable partner chooses to support the other’s needs, it may be a consensual decision. However, in general, if they aren’t married, the partner has no legal obligation to provide for the other.
This dynamic often results in the exploitation of one person’s hard work and finances to sustain another’s lifestyle. Morally, it is wrong because individuals must learn to fend for themselves.
And when faced with situations like this, it’s better to seek help.
If you suspect someone is being groomed, reaching out to offer support can help them gather the courage to speak up. As Dr. Dellosa emphasized, minors should be encouraged to report any uncomfortable situations to a trusted adult if they feel something isn’t right. This could be a family member, teacher, or an official who can address the issue.
As trusted adults, it’s also our responsibility to monitor their online activity for any signs of suspicious individuals interacting with them. Often, children lack the confidence to break free from manipulation, unlike adults. That’s why it’s crucial for us to actively safeguard their well-being and fight for their protection.
This topic has sparked widespread discussion in recent weeks, eliciting a range of reactions from netizens. In this article, we aim to provide our perspective by considering all possible sides of the broader issue of grooming. It’s important to recognize that not only children but also certain stable yet vulnerable adults can fall victim to grooming, and they, too, deserve protection and a voice. By shedding light on this issue, we hope to contribute to the collective condemnation of grooming and help prevent future cases.
