I’m their shock absorber, why does it feel bad sometimes?
Shock absorber, by definition pertains to a device mainly used in vehicle to reduce and lessen worst effects. Now, boiling it down to a deeper understanding — lies so much meaning others can’t even understand. If you’re the one who usually absorb negativity, stress and anxiousness to lessen it for the sake of others — then you’re a shock absorber.
In every circle of friends or in a family, there will always be one who stands as the “toughest” among the group. Even in a relationship or marriage, there will always be one consider as listener. In short, in all kinds of connection we build with other people — someone will always be tag as the “shock absorber”.
And if you’re that person, don’t feel bad because that’s okay!
I have always been the adviser of the group. Just like at school, I feel like their guidance counselor. Someone who serves as their shoulder to cry on, and an ear for their unending rants. Even at home, I am what they call as their “shock absorber”.
Well, I was basically raised by my mom as a very independent woman which makes me tougher, I guess. I always like checking out my friends, families, or anyone about how’s their life going so far. Maybe that’s why I always prefer to be that “listener”. I always want them to feel understood and heard in every way possible.
It actually feels so satisfying and overwhelming at the same time. The fact that they trust you that much for them to share their stories is a win for you as their friend. It makes you a responsible friend, partner or family member because you always prioritize them instead of yourself.
However, it feels tough sometimes or worst, there were times where I feel so bad about it. I couldn’t help but to ask myself: “How about me? Is it that hard for them to ask me how I am going so far?”. I almost got to the point where I started doubting and questioning my self-worth.
Sometimes, I feel like I am not doing my responsibility as their good friend or as one of their family members. The feeling of resentful and pity in myself that I have this so much burden and unheard thoughts that I have to deal day by day. Is it that bad if I look okay even if I really am not okay?
I have invested so many emotions while writing this down. It took me days to actually come up with these thoughts bugging up my mind. But do you know what’s funnier? It is the fact that even if I feel bad about it, I still care about them.
We all have different roadblocks in life. I suddenly realized that it’s actually so hard to please anyone. Yet, at the end of the day, what matters most are the person who stays with you amidst doubts and pity you feel upon yourself.
If you’re like me, please don’t doubt yourself just like what I did. The whole universe hears you. And if you feel bad sometimes being their shock absorber, let those tears fall off those eyes because that’s valid. After that, continue and always choose to LOVE.
