OPINION: Why I Don’t Want a Child

I don’t want a child.

Existing in a patriarchal society means every person who is biologically born a woman must be a mother. But for a long time now, I always thought of not having a child of my own. When I told that to my father, he told me that It was because I am still young. Years after, I still stood by the decision of having a childless life.

Once we are out of the womb of our mothers, our parents expect us to be their princesses. When we start to talk, they expect us to be soft-spoken. By the time we learn how to walk alone, they see a delicate girl who can’t manage to be on their own. During our prime, about mid-20s to 30s, people start to ask about marriages and pregnancy. Honestly—when are these expectations going to stop?

I want to enjoy my life alone.

As much as I adore cute babies and little kids I don’t think having them would be substantial to me. I have a shedload of plans for myself—I want to travel the world, meet many people, discover things, and be a part of a great cause. What I want in my life would not be fitting to their needs.

Having a child would make me do none of that. Because If ever, as a parent, I would want to give them my full attention and time. But as an individual, I am passionate about my goals. I am not in a hurry either cause I know I have my timeline to fulfill.

Heading towards the road less traveled.

It’s not easy living in a Filipino family being the immediate eldest among your cousins. Much more difficult when you have different beliefs from them. Growing up with my family and relatives was never pleasant. For a long time, I believe that’s just how families are. Now, I’m heading towards the road less traveled by many. Healing.

Until now I’m still unlearning the dispositions I picked up from them. Freeing myself from generations of trauma was my first step to liberation. Choosing a childless life would not be a selfish decision. Even if I identify myself as a woman, It will never be enough reason for me to carry a child. In the same way that other people around me should not have a say about how I’ll live my life.

The world is progressing backward.

Aside from the pandemic, we are currently facing other phenomena that could affect my child’s life. Stronger typhoons are forming, climates are getting unpredictable, people are not getting enough drinkable water, and there’s the possibility of food shortage. These are what awaits them if I will not be mindful of my decisions. And if ever, as a parent, I must provide my child a safe space for them to grow. Not just in our home but also in the world, they’ll be exploring.

Recently, a devastating court ruling happened in America—Abortion will be a criminal act in many states of the land of the free. Even those pregnancies resulting from rape. These are probably the same people who do not want to ban things such as guns to prompt a safer place for children. Are they concerned about life? or Do they just want to take control of women’s bodies?

How else so in the Philippines? Are we ready to separate religion and state affairs? For the welfare of our people following the development of our country.

The thought of nurturing a child has occurred to me. Doesn’t matter if it was biologically mine or not. But thinking of nurturing them how I wanted to be nurtured when I was a child would be fulfilling. I wanted my child to live in peace, to feel loved, to be able to speak to me, and have those hard conversations. I want them to come to me for help and not be afraid of me.

However, with everything I have mentioned of me wanting to enjoy my life alone, to travel the road less traveled, about the state of our living right now. I want to be able to save the from the inconvenience of this world. Children are innocent. Uncorrupted by the menace of this world. They deserve more than what we have right now. So I stand by my choice to have a childless life.