My mid-sized body is making me fall out of love with fashion altogether
“My mid-sized body is making me fall out of love with fashion altogether,” I whisper to myself as I take off a skirt that I had recently bought online. I sighed as I realize that a clothing item has catfished me again. My latest failed online purchase is a black pleated skirt that would have reached mid-thigh. However, it did not fit – yet again – due to my curvier figure and thicker thighs. Staring at the skirt, I pursed my lips and questioned whether or not I received my desired size.
I looked at the tag and there it was – XL. I took my phone out, looking for the product on the To Receive tab of the online shopping platform. Was it mislabelled? The product overview said that those with 31-inch waistlines would fit in an extra-large. I took the measuring tape and wrapped it around my waist – 31. So, it doesn’t make sense. Did the brand deliberately put the label XL? Or, is my body too curvy for the clothing? I have never been considered plus-sized but to call me petite would be a lie.
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But, no matter the hang-ups I’ve had with my mid-sized body, I’ve always found confidence in putting together a killer outfit.
As a self-confessed Instagram addict, scrolling for style inspiration has become one of my favorite pastimes. Despite my best effort to follow diverse accounts, my Instagram Explore page always had a bias towards very slim women. Their beautifully edited images have inspired many failed purchases over a couple of years – especially during the lockdowns. And, each one has met the same disappointment and impending confidence crisis.
So, I have devised a list of things to avoid: cycling shorts, bodycon dresses, and non-denim pants. Cycling shorts would usually have a thin material that when stretched, the panties I wore would be out and about. Bodycon dresses made me look pregnant – especially with the annoying pudge below my belly button. And, non-denim pants rip – either at the seams of my butt or one of my thighs.
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Internalizing the issues I had with my mid-sized and falling out of love with fashion.
Body positivity has always been a special topic for me. I love it when women with darker skin tone, curvier body, and curly hair would speak about it. Another slim, white woman preaching about body positivity does not strike impactful for me. I know they would feel the struggles. But, people already find them beautiful. I had to make myself believe that I look “tolerable” just to go out in public without feeling bad about myself.
Growing up, I was always darker than the rest. So, it wasn’t new to me when people would tell me that I would look even more beautiful if I had fairer skin. However, recently, I have been gaining a few pounds. I was always skinny but recently, I have started to become curvier. My tummy has started to get bigger, my arms going larger, and my thighs thicker. This time, people had started pointing out every thing that had gone wrong about my body.
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I had to confront the body confidence issues that plagues me while equally acknowledging the privilege I had benefited from as a mid-sized woman.
Unlike plus-size shoppers, mid-size people can walk into most shops and purchase ready-to-wear clothes. However, like plus-size shoppers, industry still neglects mid-size people as many of clothing items are original designed for smaller frames. Sometimes, mid-size people would even play a painful game of Guess My Size as it fluctuates from shop to shop. This might be the reason behind my new skirt – not fitting me. The brand just doesn’t cater to my size.
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“Maybe you should start dieting and working out.”
Yeah, maybe I should. Because I had been eating unhealthy junk foods. Not because I wanted to fit into these clothes. Clothes should be catered to fit me – not the other way around. I am not changing my body just so I can squeeze myself into a pair of skirt that would show off my knickers when I bend over. I feel excluded by an industry that I admired and in turn, I have decided to create my own niche within it.
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WHAT TO DO: Unfollowing social media accounts that don’t make me feel joy.
To be honest, looking at Instagram influencers and seeing them live their best skinny lives, made me feel less about myself. And, I shouldn’t. Seeing their absolutely ridiculous diet, I have realized thaat I will not starve myself just to lose weight. Consuming certain fashion content has a negative impact on my confidence. And, the unfollow button has become my new best friend.
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WHAT TO DO: Reclaiming my love of fashion
Recently, despite my self-loathing rows, I have started to look for pieces. This move have allowed me to feel excitement when getting ready for tomorrow’s brunch. Pulling out that specific thrifted item that only cost Php10 was phenomenal. Especially when people ask, “Where’d you get your pants?” And, I answer, “I got it at a thrift store in Cubao for ten pesos!”
Looking between the quality of that pair of pants with this newly-bought skirt, I have decided one thing. I have decided to look for clothes in thrift stores than online shopping platforms. This skirt was the last straw. Sure, I may avoid one certain trend or two due to the fear of what other people would think, I have started to learn how to dress for myself – not for others who I’m probably not going see again.
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I have started rediscovering the joy of experimenting with my style. Especially, with my curated Instagram explore page becoming a haven for diverse fashionable people. On the other hand, I hope that the fashion industry will bring universal size representation into the mainstream.
