Grad-waiting: The Anxiety and Excitement for Graduation
Diploma, toga, celebrations, and more. The first thing that instantly pop in our mind is graduation. It is grand and considered one of the milestones in every student’s life. Graduation marks the day when we thought we can’t make it. The feeling of being a graduating student has its highest and lowest.
I am one of those individual who feels mixed emotions about graduation. Seeing those who just recently graduated even makes the feeling worse. It got me thinking that, I’m going to be next! It would sound absurd if I don’t feel any excitement or energy at all of the thought of being one of those marching towards the stage, reaching for my diploma, and shifting the tassel on my cap from right to left.
Last year in college means no more worrying about classes, deadlines, activities, and exams. It means I have more time for myself, for the things I want to do, and family. If I feel fancier, why not vacation? I can have the freedom I wanted and also out of the student cycle. Or so I thought?
Fears about graduation
Even if I think of these perks by finishing my undergraduate studies, the anxiety and pressure outweighs all of it. What is next after college? I don’t know. The fact that I’m in the stage of cluelessness is scary and dejecting. As how I see it from most adults I know, after their graduation they find a job to sustain them. Nothing is trivial and this is expected.
After landing a job, they will devote half of their time for it. It eats up the time they have for leisure, other worthwhile activities, friends, and families. It kept me thinking, will I also have the same lifestyle as them? I don’t mean to demonize the need for an occupation, because in reality, we still need food on the table. And to do this requires a steady job.
My point is, I wanted to exclude myself from that cycle. I want a job that won’t exhaust me as if I’m a machine or robot. A work that is rewarding not just financially, but holistically.
Feeling pressured
Another realization sprung in my mind is, after I get my degree in the university all I have to deal with is adult responsibilities. Budgeting, paying bills, taxes, allowances, money for my needs and wants, saving, and a lot more. Basically, activities that a typical college student shouldn’t worry. These responsibilities are something you can’t learn in classrooms. What is needed is to learn these on your own, by experience and practicality.
If adulthood is one thing, but pressure is another. After I graduate, I have expectations for myself, same goes for my family, relatives, friends, acquaintances, even others I don’t know. There are a lot of eyes that’s on the watch, waiting to scrutinize you. What if the degree I finished wasn’t for me? What if I don’t get a job fitting for my degree?
The matter about pressure speaks a lot to me. My family has high expectations from me. With what I did in school, they expect me to be better at my job. The fact that I’m just about to graduate but already have these hopes, gets into me.
The bottomline
Graduation comes in both ways, intrepid and fearsome, hopes and paranoia. Now that I get to experience the ”pre-graduation blues”, the more I understand these feelings. The phrase “enjoy it while it lasts”, reverberates in me. From those I heard this from, they are right. Seize and enjoy the moment, and think of it as an opportunity. Opportunity to grow, discover what I really wanted in life, and build the adult version I want to be.
Also, graduation is a celebration. It signifies few of our wins in life. Life after school is indeed troubling and scary, but just think of it that we made another step forward.
Finishing college is an achievement and just one of the few life can offer. Adulting is perplexing, but it’s a phase that all of us should undergo. After all life in general is a big academe, except that knowledge acquisition has no limits. What are your thoughts about graduation? Find more of my works in this link.
