Workaholic & Hardworking: A coping mechanism for low self-esteem
Do you happen to feel worthy and validated when you accomplish your work on time? How about feeling satisfied when you take control of your swamped schedule every day and want to work more? If you start to measure your worth based on the amount of work you do, you might hide in your workaholic self to validate your self-esteem.
A study that revolved around the endless pursuit of self-validation through attainment explains how it works. According to this, a surprising connection between workaholics and traumatic experiences can trigger self-doubt. Therefore, if you have low self-esteem, you may start working too hard in order to prove your self-worth to other people when becoming successful.
What is the difference between being a workaholic and being hardworking?
The only difference between a workaholic and a hardworking person is based on their purpose. If we measure the level of their work and effort, they become the same. However, it’ll will become a matter of knowing ‘why’ they have become working so hard.
For a hardworking person, only you would really know why you constantly work. It could be one of your friends or family— maybe even yourself. It is only you who could define it. Any reason becomes acceptable as long as you don’t lose yourself in the process.
For the workaholic, on the other hand, it means feeling addicted to it. The ‘why’ goes down to escaping something. It could become your reality, emotions, and trauma that you want to run away from. It becomes getting out of your control. So, you would rather focus on something you remain in charge of.
You might be an outstanding student or an overachiever or the one who strives for the best, and/or the person who adults and bosses have always admired. The downside, on the other hand, could become anxiety or depression. The workaholic, on the other hand, keeps chasing external validation. They measure their worth with the contribution they have to the world which never seems to become enough.
The root of this trauma
Workaholism remains a coping mechanism related to parentification and childhood trauma.
It starts when you don’t feel loved enough. Then, we don’t feel enough for your parents or friends when you used to remain a child. So, in able to get the love you deserve, you will believe that you have to work on it instead. You will think that you have to do something to get their validation. You will now aim for status and success to feel worthy as you age.
That’s when work will come to rebuild your self-esteem.
Organizing psychologist Shahnaz Aziz says people with low self-esteem “throw themselves into work in order to become more successful in a certain facet of their lives in which they feel they have greater influence and control.”
However, it is important to note that workaholism is not the only cause of trauma. There’s nothing wrong with working hard, especially if you are doing it for yourself and your family.
You owe yourself a better life, so you need to do better to achieve that.
Moreover, if you continuously think that you are not enough and only do all your work just to prove yourself to someone, it’s best to shift your why’s. Overcome your trauma and what triggers you before it wears you out.
You must rest, find balance, and understand that your worth remains the same regardless of what you do. You are always worthy.
