Wrapping it up: Things I’m ready to unlearn as a new year unfolds

This year, as much, if not more than the last was hard. Some of us were lucky enough to ride the new normal, but there are still a lot who are struggling to find a place – to find peace – at this time when the only constant thing seemed to be insecurity.

As we push ourselves to still be at our best despite our fears, the year continuously takes a toll on us. It has been admittedly hard – it still is, but there’s no doubt that we’ve been even harder on ourselves. As we look back on the past months, I know there are things that we wish, we know, we could’ve done differently.

Maybe we can’t turn back time, but as a new year unfolds, look over the endless possibilities waiting as we unlearn the things that held us back and try again.

Pressuring myself to keep up

Often, I catch myself in the middle of life’s race – tired, frozen in place. There are times when I know I needed to catch my breath, to rest for a while. That’s when the pressure gets to me so much that my mind continuously tells me that I have to move, to keep up – to do anything to make myself feel like somehow, I am not stuck in the same place as others move forward.

But I am stuck. And no matter what I do to keep up, I can’t.

I know this narrative is not only a reflection of my life but also my thinking. I’ve seen a lot of people like me – scared of being left behind, fearing the possibility of not being able to move forward.

I know that there are times, and there will be times, that we’d compare our journey to others. So we started to put timestamps on our lives: at 22, I’ll graduate; 25, I’ll have a successful career; 30, settled with a family of my own. We were so focused on these goals that we tire ourselves, we squeeze the lives out of us while on the journey that by the time we get there, there’s nothing more of us left.

And I don’t want to empty myself out.

So as a new year unfolds, this is among the things I’m ready to unlearn.

As cliché as it sounds, I think I am now prepared to allow myself to take it one step at a time. I know that it is not easy to separate myself from the pressure that is already so familiar. I know I’d still find myself in between thoughts of questioning my place in society. But this time, I’ll allow myself to move forward from these thoughts, albeit slowly.

Believing my worth equates only to my productivity

The hustle culture for the past years has never been as prominent as it was this year. It was crazy for me to witness myself depleting as I push myself harder to reach my goals. It was always “I have to pass this” and “Maybe I’d finish this before the deadline” or “I’d squeeze in this one last task,” and never “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, maybe I’d have some rest.”

We consumed ourselves so much and so often that it felt weird having the luxury of time to spend for ourselves. We’ve become so fixated on hustling, always doing something, even we can no longer do it. And so we wore our burnouts and breakdowns like a badge on our chests.

But you are not entirely the one to blame. Society wired us to think like that. That even in the midst of a pandemic, all we can think about is work and how satisfying it would be to be able to do more – so you did. All you can think about is how rewarding it must be productive that you didn’t even notice yourself deteriorating.

The hustle culture is tiring.

So as a new year unfolds, this is among the things I’m ready to unlearn.

When the time comes that I overanalyze things, or I become too critical of myself, I’ll remind myself that it’s okay. I can’t do my best at everything, every time – it’s tiring and draining. Instead, I’ll allow myself its own phase to grow and move forward. I know that my time will still be mine if it is.

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Telling myself I cannot do it.

I used to be so confident, so sure of myself and my capabilities. But this year was so hard I hardly found it in me to believe. The world suddenly shifted and I struggled. So much that I lost sight of what I used to love. I messed up the trust I once had in what I know I am, was, good at.

I got to the point – I am still at the point – that I don’t know if I can do the things I used to be so sure of. Doubting my capabilities. Unsure if I deserve were the place I was entrusted with. I dimmed my sparkle knowing that there are people who are far better than me.

I am tired of constantly punishing myself for not being good enough.

So as a new year unfolds, this is among the things I’m ready to unlearn.

Being kinder to myself is something I’ve neglected for too long that I am unsure how I’d start. I know there will be times that I’ll be back at square one, but I’ll practice gratitude.

I’ll thank my mind for giving my life direction, no matter how unclear. My heart feels and gives love, so that might not be a bad thing. And my body allows me to discover what I can still do. It’s about time I own it – I know I can, I know I will.

We don’t know what the new year will bring. We are unsure if it will be kinder, and there may be a lot of things that will block your way, too.