Eldest Daughter Syndrome: Constant pressure to succeed
What is the deadliest combination? An eldest daughter and an overachiever. This powerful mix often leads to the emergence of the ‘thought daughter’—the one who sacrifices childhood for family obligations.
Being the eldest daughter means you have to sacrifice everything for your family. Yes, everything. Such as, missing the biggest piece of chicken, to watch your younger sibling’s shows instead of sulking over the remote, the sacrifices include giving up your time and money for your family’s needs. The hardest part is letting go of your dreams for the sake of practicality.
Eldest daughters could go beyond sacrificing their dreams just to fulfill their family needs.
Guilt is a constant companion
When you ask a working eldest daughter about her plans, she often replies, “Tsaka na,” as she tirelessly works to make ends meet. If she dares to set boundaries, guilt haunts her every night.
They stay up late to finish homework and rise early to prepare meals, driven by obligation. The guilt is crushing when they can’t provide financial support, comfort their mother, or fix household items.
Everyone looks up to them
Eldest daughters must balance academic achievement, financial support, mediation in family conflicts, and often serve as the family’s emotional punching bag. They absorb these responsibilities to keep the family together, but who is there to share the burden?
Being the eldest daughter in an Asian household tests you in many ways, with society expecting more from you. Consequently, the responsibility for the family falls solely on you—not your parents—even if you never asked for it.
For example, in films like Four Sisters and a Wedding (Teddie), The House of Us (George), and Encanto (Luisa), the eldest daughter consistently emerges as the backbone of the family—the second mother, the provider, and the strongest member. This portrayal often robs her of childhood innocence, transforming her into a fighter shaped by the demands of her role.
Behind the strongest woman they know, who sees their hidden tears and hears their sobs, who mends broken hearts, who will tell them they shouldn’t feel guilty for choosing themselves?
For instance, who’s gonna tell them that they should be viewed not merely as caretakers or “retirement plans”, but as individuals with their own dreams and aspirations? Maybe now is the time to support them, recognize their struggles, and view them as integral members of the family.
Imagine a world that celebrates these daughters, supports their ambitions, and affirms their worth isn’t tied to keeping everything together. Therefore, let us uplift them, reminding them it’s okay to rest, pursue their passions, and seek happiness. And lastly, they should not feel guilty for choosing themselves.
