Being Friends with Your Ex While Being in A New Relationship: Is it Okay?
It’s such a very polarizing question to ask if it’s still okay to be friends with your ex while you’re already in a new romantic relationship.
Amidst all the possible circumstances, we should not forget that, after a break-up, there would always be someone who would try to salvage the good and forget the bad. Whereas, there’s also another one who would rather move on and never look back. But, the hot button question is: is it still okay to be friends with your ex while you are in a new relationship?
THINK TWICE!
The answer to the question, “Is it’s okay to have friends with your ex?” can be so hypothetical or subjective. That’s why I’d like to reiterate that what you’ll probably be reading in this article is just based on a very personal perspective.
How did your relationship with your ex end?
Did one of you become so manipulative or abusive? Did you become a nagger towards him/her? Or it’s also possible that it’s a healthy relationship, there’s a good support system, the love language is good, you both accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses but just like any type of failed relationship, your love still did not end well.
Moreover, whatever the reason for your break up was and the level of relationship you once had, if he/she already becomes your ex, he/she becomes your ex. And you should think twice of all the possibilities that lie ahead if you befriend a person that once became so sentimental into your life while you already love someone else now.
BEING FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX CAN BE A RED FLAG TO YOUR NEW ONE
In this section, I really intended this for the side of the new girlfriend or boyfriend.
Whether you’ll say it depends upon the situation and the level of maturity that each one of you has, you still cannot hide that there’s a possible paranoia that lies within.
If you’ll try to argue my point by just trying to say, “I trust my boyfriend/girlfriend. I know he will never cheat on me.” Then, how many percent of assurance do you have for you to feel that he deserves the trust you’re giving?
“Where does your trust leads you?”
It can be quite bitter to say, but I’d like to tell you to be realistic rather than idealistic: your partner is having a friendship with a person he/she once considered special, a person who might probably know him better. Does this reality threaten you?
It can be a red flag, especially when one of them still carries the ex’s baggage of their past. Yes, you trust your partner, and you believed that he/she will still choose you, but what about the side of their ex? The truth about love and life is: You can’t really control things by just simply believing in something that’s not yet happened.
In a nutshell: if you believed that he/she won’t cheat, it will still remain an idea. It’s not yet real because it’s not yet happening. It’s a worst-case scenario, because of that same belief. You can already use it as a reason to justify him once he commits the thing you are most scared of.
The anecdote is: he’s already cheating but you still believe that he doesn’t, because you trust him so much. And that belief keeps you blinded.
THE NEW ONE DON’T DESERVE A HALFWAY MEETING
We don’t deserve a “meet me halfway” scenario.
We deserve the assurance and security of a healthy and successful relationship. Everybody should come to know that love isn’t really enough to make a relationship work. More than that, what’s important is the trust and respect you both show to each other.
It’s really unfair in the relationship when your partner is giving their best to just cherish you as the one. While you? You are cherishing the love affair with your new partner while also crossing the river to make amends and being friends with your ex.
FROM A PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE
I had this one story before when I entered my college years. It happened four years ago. I almost committed to a person who wasn’t still sure of the things he really wants. Later on, I discovered that the connection he had with his ex still remained. They still go out for dinner, late lunch, and they still call each other.
The hardest part of that story was when it’s already our moment to talk, his ex was still our topic. It made me feel that my presence is so unimportant. But I trust him, and I said to myself, maybe it’s just okay. But as I’ve said earlier, “To where does that trust lead you?” and it led me to be more insecure about my feelings, his friendship with his ex-partner became so questionable to me.
Until a time came when I saw an Instagram story of them being inside a hotel room, then the next day in front of a bathroom mirror – fresh from the bath. So, what did these “friends” who have, a history of love affairs, do inside the hotel all night? Maybe they just played jackstone while there’s another person away from them, feeling so shattered, betrayed, and alone sitting beside the parking lot on the 6th of December. I’ve waited for an explanation and for that person to ask for an apology. But those things never came…
Until now.
