Everyone’s been going out, dating, and everything. I see people having dates with their partners that they recently met online. I’m happy for you! (Sanaol)
Well, given these times, there are many ways to meet new people. So, dating is not really that hard anymore. There are these dating apps where you can connect with anyone with the same interests. Bumble, Tinder, and even Facebook dating can bring you new people to get along with. That’s where the talking stage starts. And I think we should talk more about that.
The Talking Stage
Basically, this has become a trend these days. It’s more about the stage of getting to know each other stage before anything else. This usually happens in the process of dating.
Before, people would just say that they liked that person and proceed to woo them. Now, the talking stage comes first before knowing what you plan on that person afterward. Either you pursue them or just remain friends.
What do you do at this stage?
Of course, when you first meet someone, you need to know some basic things about them, not necessarily personal ones. You can start with the typical ones such as age, hobbies, interests, zodiac signs, etc. In this case, the conversation would be light.
When you get comfortable enough, you can ask other questions without having to invade their personal life immediately. Personal questions are too much information when you are still in this stage.
There is no fixed format for this. So, you don’t have to overthink things. It should flow smoothly as long as you keep things in a comfortable atmosphere. Don’t push too much nor say too much information. They’re still strangers, after all. Don’t give your trust too easily.
How long does this go?
There is no time frame for this. It would depend on the person whether they enjoy your company or not. There are instances where there are people who can already feel that they can give a safe space for a short time.
Therefore, the talking stage would only happen for a week before the wooing starts. For some, they stay in this stage for 6 months until they decide to take it to another level. Some even take years to get the trust of the other. That, however, requires so much patience.
There is no rush in trusting the other. As long as you’re sure enough on what path to take for the both of you. Although, some would just end it due to not having similar vibes.
They start well but realize mid-way that they should just remain friends or stop contacting each other entirely for other reasons. Play your cards right at this part, and you will get out of the talking stage fast.
Pros and Cons: This stage before getting into dating also has its positive and negative sides.
It’s a getting-to-know stage.
It doesn’t have to be too straightforward. You can get to know the trivial things that can be the basis of your connection. Favorites, interests, and hobbies could be the foundation of a more substantial relationship.
You can talk freely.
They say talking to strangers is more comfortable, especially when you rant. There wouldn’t be any judgment from the other person because they don’t know you to judge you.
You can also use this stage by understanding their thoughts or their perspective on some issues. Their values and beliefs are tested in this stage. So, you can consider your differences immediately.
You get to see any potential.
With your talks, you can get an idea of whether you want to take your relationship to another level or not. You can see if the other person can be your type if you get more comfortable.
No commitments. No attachments.
You don’t have to worry about any attachments. Back out anytime that you feel uncomfortable. It will be easy to get out.
Unless it’s already stated before, it becomes confusing for some whether they’re investing something with you or wasting their time. There will be a lot of misunderstandings that you need to address clearly as you get to this stage.
You can have wrong assumptions.
What if you start falling for that person just because of those minor updates? This stage makes some believe they are being led on due to the mixed signals they receive. It gets frustrating, especially when your feelings for them are genuine.
At this stage, it’s like you are always walking on eggshells. ‘Is it too offending?’, ‘Are we this close for me to ask such a question?’, ‘Should I start sending pick-up lines just because I think she likes me too?’ If there isn’t any clear boundary, you will be confused about how you can talk to the other.
No commitments. No attachments.
It’s TOO easy to get out. There is no explanation needed. So if they suddenly left, they’re not required to give you anything. You don’t have anything to hold on to. Basically, you are ‘ghosted.’
Also, with no commitment at hand, many of you might be contacted the same way. You’ll be surprised how you’re not the only one he’s talking to. 5 of you are currently on a talking stage with him. I’m not telling you to overthink, though.
How do you get out of it?
Read between the lines.
It might be a little bit of a challenge, but there are some points in between your conversation that you’ll see any implications. It’s important that you can read the room before anything else. Be sensitive enough but not too keen that you overanalyze things. Just let things flow freely.
Tell them your intention straightaway. There shouldn’t be a faint line between the two of you. Make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to this. If you like the person, you can tell them. If not, let them know too to clear any assumptions the other person might have.
It’s not always easy to confess your feelings. But wouldn’t it be better to have the clear message laid down already? It would be difficult if it would take longer and find out that you’re just wasting your time with each other.
Although meeting new people through these dating apps might be fun, safety should always be your priority. They are still stranger, after all. Always be skeptical until you’re sure about that person.
Nonetheless, go on and talk with people! There’s no harm in trying, right? You’ll never know who you’ll meet.
What do you think about the talking stage?
Mae has always been into writing. She likes to write poems whenever she is inspired to do so. Or, she would just write her thoughts freely in her journal. Other than that, she spends her time listening to random music, watching movies, and just browsing on Twitter. It may sound like she's an introvert but she's really talkative when you meet her. You'd even wish the gods to let her stop talking and breathe.