5 red flags that you’re in a one-sided love trope

Have you ever had strong feelings for someone who didn’t feel the same way as you? Maybe you fell in love deeply with a close friend but kept your feelings secret? That wistful, heartbreaking experience is called unrequited love– but is it the same as real love?

Unrequited love (and other clichés)

Unrequited love, often known as one-sided love, is love that is not returned or rewarded. The term unrequited love carries a dramatic or romantic connotation, partly because the phrase appears in classic literature and poetry, and continues to be a popular theme in books, film, and music today.

Of course, unrequited love does happen in real life as well. It is love that is painful yet addicting. Wanting someone so desperately can make a person feel lost or alive like a hero in an epic love story; so much that they intentionally lean into the glorifying narrative of unrequited love.

In return, it’s hard to pinpoint the telltales of love that is being reciprocated.

Examples

Loving someone who does not return those feelings
Falling in love with a friend who only sees you as a friend
Longing for someone you can’t be with for a reason
Wanting to be with someone who’s already in a relationship
Lingering feelings for an ex who has moved on
Having strong romantic feelings for a famous person or celebrity

Signs and red flags

Unfortunately, when you’re stuck in a one-sided relationship, it’s easy to delude yourself into thinking that what you’re experiencing is normal– when it could actually be toxic, or even loveless. So, how do you know if you’re giving more than you’re getting?

Here are a few telltale signs to look for that indicate you’re not on the same page:

They give you mixed signals.

Do they really want to be with you or not? Keep in mind that you’re not to blame for being on the receiving end of confusing messages. Perhaps there are moments where they slip a hint about how they really feel only to deny it later.

Mixed signals won’t make you fall in love with someone if the attraction isn’t there. But frequent flirtatious jokes or affectionate nicknames can fan the flames, so to speak, by giving the impression of mutual interest. Believe it or not, mixed signals can be very confusing and frustrating.

You reach out to connect.

Do you feel like you’re doing most of the work to hang out? You send the messages, make telephone calls, and push to see each other consistently. Meanwhile, a few days could pass by without even sharing a word when you don’t.

Let’s be real, a person who likes you will put an effort into building a connection with you. Making effort isn’t always about grand gestures, but if they refuse to do even the mundane things, then that’s a red flag. Instead, they will only leave you feeling like your emotional needs aren’t being fulfilled.

You long for physical touch.

Do you desire to touch them, to hold hands, to kiss or hug? When you’re longing for someone romantically, you’re also longing to be close to them physically. You can’t get enough of the familiarity, and you crave for more. But what if the best you’re getting out of a hug is a handshake?

Physical touch or intimacy is so important to romantic relationships. If you think you’re in love, but you and your beloved never hold hands or even maintain solid eye contact, that’s a sure sign their feelings for you are purely platonic minus any hint of romance.

You put them on a pedestal.

Do you fantasize about them, or even imagine your future together? Loving someone who doesn’t love you back often involves looking at them through rose-colored glasses. You refuse to accept their flaws and idealize them so highly that you believe no one could ever compare to them.

Healthy romantic relationships allow partners to perceive each other’s faults, vulnerabilities, and imperfections. If you don’t see any of them, then you need to step back and think about it for some time. In other words, your one-way love makes you go blind to reality.

They never take time to get to know you.

Do they pay attention to you? Consider your relationship and the way the two of you interact. You may find that you are always asking questions and making efforts to invite your beloved into random conversations. However, they may (or choose to) know nothing about you at all.

Getting to know one another is a task that takes time. It is through shared interests that couples connect and fall in love deeply with each other. So, if they don’t seem interested in your desires, hobbies, and goals– they don’t care for you like you think they do.

Unrequited love hurts, but it is possible to heal, grow, and move on from the experience. So, know the signs and stop wasting your time on someone who cannot give you the love you need to bloom. It will help you to know yourself better, and to have a better idea of the love and care you deserve.

Remember, everyone deserves to love and be loved.

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