The Male Perspective on Women Making The First Move

Confessing feelings for someone is one of the most frightening things to do in a person’s life. The uncertainty of the whole situation makes our stomachs churn. It definitely takes guts. But women who take on this challenge head-on are surely a different breed.

Personally, I have confessed my feelings to guys a few times. It was so terrifying but I wasn’t expecting anything in return. My feelings for them were just so strong that I had to let it out. I just had to let them know that I appreciated them — the entirety of their being, their flaws and their perfections, and everything in between. The afterward didn’t matter to me because, most of the time, the afterward usually didn’t go in my favor.

Since, in this time and era where women are more confident in themselves, they grab the opportunity to make the first move on men. Whether we admit it or not, societal norms are changing constantly. Gender norms are broken. Love and romance are still ever-changing concepts.

But what really goes inside the mind of these men who got the chance to experience a confession, only now that they are on the receiving end?

For my two male best friends, they determined the state of their feelings into three categories: (1) an ego and confidence booster; (2) feelings of appreciation; and (3); a moment of self-doubt and deprecation.

Let’s break down the three, shall we?

1. Ego and confidence booster

Contrary to popular belief, men nowadays do not feel emasculated when women make the first move. Instead, they feel a little more confident about themselves. But my friend, who is generally self-aware, admitted to the fact that the confession seems to only have added to his “pogi points.”

Men, in a general sense, are designed to be egoistic. Society shaped them into thinking that they hold a special place in the world. Thus, the confessions they receive from women are treated as only fuel to fire their self-esteem and confidence.

2. Feelings of Appreciation

They said that some confessions put them in an appreciative state. They revel in the fact that despite their flaws, someone had taken an interest in them. Also, regardless of gender, they feel appreciative of people who look at them in a positive light — something that I feel needs to be discussed more deeply.

As we look into the societal norm, women are more showered with compliments than men. It is, in fact, an oversaturated action that women are no longer swayed by mere flattery. But because men are built to be the ones giving the compliments, they tend to hold a much deeper feeling when they are placed on the receiving end.

3. Moment of self-doubt and deprecation

Like any other human being, men are also prone to self-doubt and deprecation. My friend, who has always been unassuming, admitted to questioning himself if he is worthy of the attention of the women making the move on him. He even said that he questions the taste of the women who looks at him that way.

Both of my friends agreed to the fact that despite feeling on top of the world, at first, when someone confesses to them, they still return to questioning their self-worth. What did these fine women see in them to the point that they would go out of their way to confess to them?

It may seem that this is something out of the “sad boy” pamphlet, but the way my friends put it is that they feel that they aren’t all that, not for just someone, but even for themselves. It’s a matter of realizing one’s self-worth, rather than creating a pity party for themselves.

Now, why did their answers seem to be more reactive than proactive?

My very thoughts exactly.

I asked them why all of the things they said to me so far were only about their feelings. Why aren’t they taking action? Why aren’t they telling me about their next steps? It seems to me that they take a lot of time processing the entire confession that they forget that the most important part of it all is the action taken afterward.

Generally speaking, the women, who took every drop of courage to confess to someone, will either expect two things: acceptance (with action, of course) or rejection. Because acceptance without action is just a polite rejection.

They said to me: it depends.

Their course of action really depends on the prior feeling they had with this person. Is she someone I see as a woman, as a friend, or as a stranger?

If they see them as a woman, then the chances are much higher for them to pursue them romantically. More so, there is even a chance for a stranger to be pursued because, for these men, a stranger or an anonymous confession piques their interest. But, alas, the fate of a friend is on a downhill path. The chance to level up to a romantic relationship is much lower. Even I could attest to this. My confession only made my relationship with them move from friends to ultra mega best friends.

But, wait. Don’t lose hope.

They agreed on the fact that every case is not the same. Men are fragile creatures. When they see that someone faced up to the rejection but nonetheless pursued their feelings, they tend to feel something much deeper than just simple appreciation. Over time, they said that they develop feelings or even realize that they actually had feelings for them in the first place.

Men are simple creatures. They like you or not. But it doesn’t mean that they close their doors to every possibility. They still mull over their feelings and process their own emotions, but it might take a while.

So, either hang on tight or let go. If you feel like the wait is not worth it, then move on. But if you feel like you will harbor that love and care for that person for a long time, then push through with it. There is no harm in trying to pursue someone you like, even if society tends to frown upon women who break these gender norms.

Still, even with these insights I gained from these men, every person is different. The way they react and act afterward depends on a lot of things. But, what I learned from them, my male friends, is that they are amazed by women who take control of their emotions, who step up and fight for what they feel. They don’t see these women as desperate for attention or love.

Women are their equals, they have many opportunities to pursue a love they want, to make the first move, just like men. And that’s all that matters right now, at least on my part.