NIKI: Music That Feels Like the Pain We Can’t Let Go

Should we keep it lowkey, or go out every summertime? Maybe this is the perfect time to take a chance on me, or maybe I’ll just stay as your backburner.

NIKI is set to perform in the country once again. Ever since her song ‘Lowkey’ gained widespread recognition, her other tracks have also garnered attention. From her debut album Zephyr (2018) to Buzz, NIKI’s songs continue to resonate with listeners.

For many listeners, NIKI’s music offers a voice to emotions we often struggle to express—especially after experiencing heartbreak.

*Photo from NIKI’s Official Facebook Page*

Beyond Backburner, the harsh truth is we’re holding on to someone who can’t commit, while they build a life with someone else. That kind of hurt hits on a whole different level.

Grab some tissues, dim the lights, open Spotify, and dive into NIKI’s most personal, overlooked anthems.

La La Lost You

If I’m honest, I’d call, but I’m trying to let go
And I hope you’re happy, livin’ life in taxis
But you’ll always have me, you’ll always have me

Yes, breakups hurt. They bring us to our knees, praying for someone to take away the pain, longing for arms to hold us, and a voice to remind us that everything will be okay—that the hurt will eventually fade.

Have you ever found yourself staring at your ceiling in the dead of night, lost in the silence, wondering where everything went wrong? Have you ever sat in a quiet cafe, sipping your coffee, feeling the warmth of the moment, only for it to hit you like a thunderclap—that you had to end it? That no matter how much it hurt, it was the only way forward, even if both of you were breaking inside?

Love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. When honesty, perseverance, commitment, and trust are gone, love can do nothing to save you from a sinking ship. It only fosters toxicity, leaving you both hurting each other rather than healing. As painful as it is, sometimes the bravest thing is to say, “Let’s end this,” knowing there’s nothing left to fix, only the need to let go.

It may sound harsh, but sometimes ending a relationship, even without clear reasons, is the only way to heal and grow. La La Lost You captures the pain of knowing it’s over for both your sakes.

Maybe, we need to remind ourselves that letting go is a form of love—a love that hurts more than anything. It’s knowing deep down that they’ll find the peace and happiness you couldn’t give, no matter how desperately you tried. It’s accepting that, as much as it breaks you, their life might be better without you, even if it means shattering both hearts to set them free.

Urs

You come see me only when I ask first
When you kiss me do you wish it were her

We often fixate on someone we like, holding onto the hope that their actions and small gestures mean something more, clinging to the belief that, maybe one day, they’ll feel the same. But deep down, we know we’re only setting ourselves up for more heartache.

But how can we really know if they’re serious, without having to ask them directly? How do we decipher their intentions when their actions are just ambiguous enough to keep us hoping, but never certain enough to give us the answer we desperately need?

The sweet endearments, the secret dates, always being there for each other, the shared secrets, the unexpected clingy moments… Those moments when you tell yourself, “Okay na yun, basta kasama ko siya”—did he really love you, or was it just a fleeting comfort? Or is it because he just wants to keep you around, without ever truly committing?

And then, the next day, you’re back to being ‘just friends.’ The mixed signals, the inconsistency—it all slaps you in the face, reminding you that things aren’t really working. Both of you are stuck, holding on to each other, afraid of losing what little you have, even though deep down you both know it’s not enough

Or maybe you choose to keep hurting in silence, drowning in your own thoughts, because you’ve invested so much in him. And even though being with him hurts, you push it aside, convincing yourself that losing him would hurt even more.

Maybe this song is really for you.

The apartment we won’t share
I wonder what sad wife lives there

We’re all ready to settle with that one person. Waking up to their face once gave you purpose, but now it’s a painful reminder of everything you’ve lost. They’re the reason we keep going, the foundation that makes everything else worth striving for.

And maybe living together under the same roof seems like our first step.

Until it wasn’t.

Being committed for years, sharing the small, silly dreams, talking about the furniture you’d buy with your first paycheck, and finding comfort in each other’s arms, thinking you were halfway there—just a few more steps and you’d be living the life you both imagined. And then, without warning, it all shatters. It ends like it was never real, leaving you with nothing but the ghost of what could have been.

Some might say you’re crying because you miss them, but what they don’t understand is that you’re grieving the future you once dreamed of and the version of you both that will never be.

Maybe this is the limit—how long can we bear the pain of losing a life we never got to live with someone? And yes, it’s heartbreaking to realize that the ‘what is’ is so much less than the ‘what if.’ This is exactly what The Apartment We Won’t Share is about—the sorrow of realizing that the life we imagined, the dreams we built together, will never come true, and that reality will never measure up to the possibilities we once believed in.

Milk Teeth

What if I make you pancakes
But you choose to skip breakfast?

Maybe we were wrong in thinking our relationship was truly mature, that we would end up together in the future. Perhaps we were just blinded by our love, and the truth is, our relationship was really just milk teeth.

Milk teeth are the first to grow when we’re still children—new, young, immature, and fragile. And maybe that’s all our relationship ever was. You come to realize that being a backburner, though painful, is still a kind of blessing; at least you’re one of his choices. But being in the milk teeth phase is a different kind of hurt—it lingers because you’re not even a choice at all.

So, does it hurt? Yes. It hurts more than words can describe.

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Autumn

You know all my dreams, you were one, so it seemed
And I love you but with you, it’s heartache I breathe

Love is everywhere—it makes us feel alive. It’s the magic that binds us, keeping us connected to one another. But despite its beauty, love sometimes leads us to do things that don’t reflect its true essence.

It’s about believing in them, trusting them, even when it becomes impossible, and enduring the pain.

Remember what they told you in the beginning? That they would never harm you, that they didn’t want to see you hurt. In the end, they become the source of your pain, the one who leaves you bleeding with empty promises and broken hopes that will never be fulfilled.

This is what Autumn wants you to feel—the ache of holding on when you know deep down, things will never work out. It’s the complexity of love, the weight of commitment that sometimes leaves you more broken than whole.

Living with them may feel heavenly, but in the end, it’s heartbreak that you breathe.

Paths

I’m sorry we got lost
I hope our paths cross again

After the pain of The Apartment We Won’t Share, maybe this is the sequel—a story of denial, where you still believe that destiny will see through your pain, and that your paths will cross again.

This song aches with longing, clinging to the hope that someday, somehow, you’ll find each other again and heal what was broken. Maybe, someday, all the questions that haunt your mind each night will finally have answers.

This song is for those who still wonder about the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘what could’ve beens,’ for hearts too fragile and pure to forget. Even after that person bruises you, your heart still belongs to them, always.

Some of us find ourselves praying for miracles, asking Heaven to intervene, willing to defy fate to tie those red strings again. We long for them to love again, hoping it’s us, but fearing it never will be.

Maybe for now, you’re out of each other’s lives, but you never truly leave each other’s thoughts. And maybe, just maybe, real love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a verb.